Ever since departnering, I've felt depressed, and haven't wanted to do anything at all. I haven't wanted to blog, go exploring, or leave the house. I've been kinda blah feeling. And on top of that, my sales have been going down the drain, and I have no idea how I am going to pay for tier next week. So, I've been laying off shopping for a bit, which really sucks. I am not sure what to do anymore. It's a really crappy feeling, and there really isn't much I can do about it. And, now I'm sick.

Anyway. While I was mulling about how crappy SL is lately, I came across a house and it made me go: :O


Its so freaking huge. In my crap feeling state, I thought: What kind of person would enjoy such a huge house? and What do they do to be able to spend so much on it? This house was 9 bedrooms, almost $19,000L, and required at least 25,000sq. meters of land.

At that moment, I felt like I was slammed against a brick wall. What am I in SL to do anymore? I can never get inspired to make new poses, to the point that its like pulling teeth now, I am constantly alone, and the only thing I ever find myself doing is fishing in my pond, because I can never find anything else to do.

I log into SL dreading it. The most logical solution to most people would be: Just log off for a few days and deal with RL. With RL, I'd face the same problems. I always hoped I'd have a different life in SL, but when I finally really thought about it - my two lives are exactly the same.

I wish I was able to live the life of a famous fashion blogger. Being invited to the best parties, being talked to by designers, and being known.

I wish I was someone with many friends. You know, the type that go shopping with a group of people, dress up in weird outfits and go explore together.... just generally surrounded by people all the time.

How long have I pretended to be something I'm not? More importantly - who am I? In RL, I am a 23 year old who rarely leaves the house, is obsessed with Starbucks Iced Black Teas with 10 pumps of classic sweetener, addicted to nasal spray, owns 2 tee shirts, and 3 pairs of pants, and never leaves her most comfortable black sweatpants with Adidas sandals. I don't answer the house phone at all, and the only people programmed in my cell phone are my cousin and brother.

In SL, I have a wardrobe I've always wished I owned in RL, play the role of wannabe fashion blogger, have oceanfront property, and run a failing store.

Its really funny how one thing such as a simple house can give you a wake up call, and let you see who you are, what you've become, and where your (either) life is headed. Its heartbreaking, depressing, but I am not entirely sure what to do about it.

I really don't mean to be all emo lately. This post will most likely self-destruct by tomorrow morning.